How many times a day does a normal person wish they were dead or �away.� Well it seems as if I think about that quite often. I wonder what it would be like to jump off a cliff knowing that I have hit my peak a few months ago and have been on a steady decline since. What would it feel like when I would smash into the ground below? Would it hurt? I doubt it. Would I care? Also I doubt it. Who would care if I weren�t around? I wouldn�t care since I would be dead. But I�m not saying I want to die, I just want to go away. Away for a long time; away by myself. For all those people who would be dumb enough to ask� would Lynn come? If she was there wouldn�t that mean someone is with me? I don�t want to go away really, I just want everyone to quit being such assholes and bitches. I�m sorry if I talk about what comes on my mind. I�m sorry if I don�t seem to care. Maybe I should just go back in time where I was content with my mind. Yea complete apathy and not speaking. Yea maybe that would be for the best, and then no one would have to listen to me talk about how I have pockets on my shirt, which I didn�t know until today. Or people couldn�t twist my words around if I don�t say anything. But I guess if I never said anything people would still think I don�t care. At least there is one person right now who knows I care. She is still here even though I told her I hate her on many occasions.
I feel regretful right now for taking the bear from Lindsay, and then I feel more regretful for giving it to someone else. Someone everyone I know pretty much hates even though they don�t know her. But that feeling I�m sure will pass since people think I forget everything.
There have been studies that show that people don�t really ever forget anything, they just have troubles retrieving it. But that only goes for stuff that is actually put into long-term memory. I have a good long-term memory for the most part. I just have problems processing short term into long term. I remember a lot more than I come off on remembering. I don�t remember days or times of events, but I can pretty much tell you what happened.
It is really great when people start arguments or fights and leaves right in the middle of them. Is it because I�m like a rock in a fight? Or what? Is it because the person sees that they don�t have anything to back up their accusations with? For some reason I don�t have arguments with men. Beau is somewhat right, girls are bitchy no matter what. Erin and I have never been in a fight at all. And she doesn�t really bitch about anything. School and crap like that isn�t really apart of being bitchy. So Erin gets a gold star at being content with life. I think she deserves a lot more than I perceive that she has. She doesn�t take her bad days out on me ever. I wish that sometimes she would. I just want to know that she has bad days once in a while. That way she can come to me and talk. I feel bad that I complain and bitch to her about useless crap that should even be happening to me. But at least she listens and never tells me I don�t care or I talk about stupid crap or that she can�t handle me. If I weren�t alone right now I would toast a shot with jack to her. Hell she deserves my best� she gets a Crown Royal shot.
There are other people who should also get a Crown Royal shot, but bad days cause me to have mental lapses. For those who care, I have had a bad weekend and day so if I seemed �weird� well then I�m sorry. Thanks for asking.
For the record� If I were to die, I would be probably in the 6th circle of hell. (Heretic)
Off the record� I�m not in the 8th because I�m not a hypocrite, I tell the truth.
For the record� I had a bad day
Off the record� My head hurts
For the record� I�m losing it faster than I�m gaining it back
Off the record� I�m cold