Today I had my statistics test. I spent a lot of time working on getting this shit engraved in to my brain. I spent a few hours each day working on making my sheets for the test and doing the practice homework problems. I went over the old test from last year and worked out each problem step by step. I was so so ready for it. I got the first problem done then I started to panic. Problem 2 had nothing to do with anything I studied, same as 3, 4, 5, and so on. I think out of all 20 problems I knew to do about 5. I better fucking get better than 5 correct or my future will not be happening since I will have to retake this damn fucking class and therefore I won�t be able to graduate because this class is a spring only class. I SHOULD be graduating in the fall not the spring. After class a bunch of us were in the hall and no one knew what the hell was going on with the test. He better fucking fix it

Tomorrow I have the last S&P quiz of the class. I think I am ready for it mostly, but read above to see what happens when I�m ready. I really do need to do well on this quiz so I can stabilize my grade a little better. But I can only fill my head with only so much shit before I lose it. Well I think I lost it on Monday, and am just in oblivion; the joys of medication numbing my emotions�

I made my self a strawberry daiquiri with my Bacardi 151� it was the worst one I have ever made. I don�t know what was wrong with it. It didn�t have any straw berry taste. And I added more strawberries than I usually do. So I poured it out� what a waste. I made coffee instead. Coffee is probably the better choice at the moment�

So, I e-mail Jessica back a few days ago. I hope she just hasn�t checked her e-mail. I don�t want to have scared her off from wanting to meet me. If by chance she is reading this leave me a guestbook entry or note or e-mail me and I will tell you my cell number if you would like to come have some coffee or something with me.

I can�t wait until my vacation. I just want to get the hell out of here and just have fun. I am tired and I am cranky a lot right now. I want to meet new people and just get more friends, but the school year is almost over so my priorities are not that� I have to get my school shit done, and then have fun. I think even just sitting at a table with a friend or something would be such a huge thing for me. It�s like all the contact I have been having is just with people in class and then in the library with my notes. I want to be in the library sitting with someone and my notes.

The most fun I have had since when Andrew was here was last night for like 20 minutes when Jennifer and Charles and I talked about what us two guys like in women. I said I liked Jennifer�s body type, and I guessed her weight� I guess 150� she said �you flatter� me. So I guess she must be more. But either way, I like girls with that little bit of chubbiness around their mid section. I also proceeded to say that if I do see a skinny girl or someone who I don�t find that attractive and then meet her and get to know her, I would probably not be attracted to her because I wasn�t initially attracted to her physically. But if I was to meet a girl online and like her through talking to her with out seeing her, then see her and she was someone I wouldn�t find as attractive, but I would be attracted to her (almost) regardless of what she looks like because I would have liked who she is before what she looks like� Thus the reason I liked Lindsay so much. Also if I find a girl to be cute and then I meet her and her personality isn�t all that great, then I get really turned off by her. There�s no point in having a cute girlfriend when they are dumber than shit or just annoying and what not. Also when I saw CUTE it is one of the highest ratings of looks, when I say HOT, it is either I think a girl looks like a slut or I am joking with my friends. You don�t want me to call you hot ladies.

On the same subjects of girls� I still don�t know what I want. I think I don�t know what I want since I haven�t met someone at this point in time I would like to be with more than just hanging out at the library or having lunch with. But once that girl does come I will probably pursue more so than I have with the girls at the beginning of the semester. I have to remind myself that when I do look for a girl that I can�t just settle with what is there in the open (Erin) and I should find someone who I can actually have feelings for.

Happy belated 4-20. The day of the year in which I have allowed myself to smoke pot has gone by with out the ceremonial smoking of the reefer. Am I sad about it? No, not at all, but I just wish everyone who smokes the pot had a good day getting high and I hope someone out there smoked a fat ass J for me.

Oh how I wish tomorrow was over and it was Friday. Friday I will be doing laundry, and just hanging around the house with no specific goal in mind other than having my clothes clean and put away by the end of the day. If anyone would like to join me and have a BBQ you are welcome to do so� Just let me know so I can pick up some more beer. And if you would like to join me, please bring stuff too. The last day of finals week I will be having a BBQ again this year.

It is time to go read the notes the Lovely Jennifer sent me.

For the record� I am really upset

Off the record� I wish I felt more upset than I do right now

For the record� I wish I had the full range of emotions instead of the half range

Off the record� If I had the full range I think I would end up killing people�

For the record� Thank you Jennifer so very much for these notes

Off the record� Jennifer said breast a lot last night� she has big� ha ha ha boobs.

For the record� I am getting a little flabby

Off the record� I can jiggle my boobs too.