Tomorrow I have my statistics final and my Sensation and Perception final. I am not really ready for either, but there is too much info to study for S&P, so I just looked over the past tests, that�s how Vicki suggested we study for her final. Hopefully I will do well. I found the cheat sheets that Erin gave me for statistics� they are all the formulas on them, I was thrilled. I didn�t take notes nor really go to class for the last chapter for one reason or another, but with these notes it doesn�t seem to matter. I am going to go over them tonight and make my own cheat sheet. I think I will do well on both finals tomorrow if I just don�t get all nervous.

This past weekend and so far this week has been stressful for the fact that it is finals week and also things just don�t seem right. Last week, all week I talked to my lovely Shiloh. I talked to her quite a lot actually. I haven�t talked to someone so great like her in a long time. I have a lot in common with her. She seems really nice. She seems like the niceness that Lindsay was at the beginning. She seems to be� I don�t know how to put it into words. You know when you are preoccupied with something it is hard to concentrate and think without the thing popping in your head� Well she seems to do that. At the moment I am talking to her online, and I should be studying. She tells me to study but for some reason studying doesn�t seem to matter as much. You remember a few posts ago I said I hate mental crushes. I do hate mental crushes; I hate them for the fact that they are wonderful. They produce smiles for no reason other than thinking of the person. They occupy the mind when it is blank normally. Talking to the person sends laughter through out the body. Then when a conversation ends with them you feel like you want more. You want more of that person. You wake up in the morning and check to see if there is a message left on you away message. You check your e-mail (or instant message) seeing if there is a greeting. And when there is a greeting, you start smiling before you even read it. Then afterwards you want to go and give them a big kiss for getting the feeling that someone actually cares are you. With my current crush, I look forward to seeing this person. I look forward to hugging and giving a big kiss with all the pent-up feelings. I look forward to cuddling on the couch while a moving is playing, but not paying attention to the movie. And afterwards going to the bed-room (or wherever), getting undressed and cuddle naked, holding each other talking. * Censor * then in the morning waking up with them in my arms or I in theirs and have my hair stroked while just listening to them breathe. Just lying there forgetting about the time; just lying there wishing I wouldn�t have to leave. Just lying there thinking of the next week and if it is possible to see them just one more time.

This brings me in an indirect way to this. Where am I going to go to grad school? Could a person dictate when I go? Or would a person follow if I go somewhere? These few questions won�t be answered for another 6 months about. But they are still questions that will be floating out there. What happens if this is the person I have been searching for? What decision will I make?

Ok� Back to crushes kinda, aside from the crush mentioned above. It seems as if I have no real other crushes anymore. These past few weeks it seems as if the idea of girls has left my mind� well almost all girls� and has been replaced with Rise of Nations expansion pack, Animal Crossing and finals.

When I say the idea of girls have left my mind doesn�t mean I still don�t look. According to Amber, I am some sort of cat� I forgot what she said, but it was some thing about a cat. But anyway� Before the final in cognitive Amber proceeded to tell Kelly about my lack of focus towards the end of our study session. While I would make normal guy comments about girls, she noticed which kinds of girls I would make those comments about� After Amber told Kelly the story, Kelly turns to me and says� So you�re a �chubby chaser.� I smiled at that. I thought it was funny. It is true. I like girls who aren�t skinny, more to love. Amber said she was 130� I think she is a liar� she�s like 20 pounds� silly girls�

So this post before hand wasn�t going to be about girls, it was going to be about� well I forgot, someone started occupying my mind again�

This Friday I am having a BBQ. It starts at 11:00am. Anyone I know is welcome to come. Bring sexy ladies too� that and meat and beer. By meat I mean something we will be grilling on the grill then eating. Sorry this is not a gay BBQ so keep your meat in your pants� But as I was saying. Please bring stuff to eat and drink for the fact is that I am poor I will not have much food and drinks so if you want to eat bring food. Also please let me know before hand if you will be there since I don�t want everyone bringing hamburgers and hot dogs with out beer and chips! That�s right motherfuckers CALL ME TO LET ME KNOW. I would say R.S.V.P. but I don�t remember what that stands for.

Well, I got to take a wiz� and study some more

For the record� I have a crush on a girl

Off the record� She makes me smile by just saying hi

For the record� Erin could learn a lesson from Shiloh

Off the record� I think this past week I have smiled more just talking to Shiloh than I did all summer with Erin.

For the record� BBQ Friday

Off the record� I have to pee like right now.