I saw Manchurian Candidate yesterday with Christy� I think that is how to spell her name. The movie was so cool. It was freaky since it could happen in the future, or now but I haven�t heard of technology progressing this much at this time for this to happen. Never the less it could happen, and would I care if it did happen? Probably not, just as long as the US didn�t go communist or socialist. I like my money and don�t want to work for a small pay check. Even though I work for a small paycheck now�

I was happy to go with Christy. I have a crush on her, but I know in my head nothing can happen since she is moving in a week. I just wish I would have met her last year so if anything was going to happen would have happened. All I can really do is get her AIM and e-mail address and TRY to keep in tough. I know I am not good at the e-mail thing, which is why no one ever gets e-mails from me.

At this moment in time I would like a girlfriend type relationship without all the little calls and having to hang out all the time. I want a girl who I can go to movies with, play games with and have sex and what not with. But I want to work and do school work and play UO without having to worry about if I�m spending enough time with the girl. And worry about if I am making all the right boyfriend moves. I am pretty sure I was a good boy friend to both Erin and Lindsay. I was nice, I went out, I bought little gifts, I made the calls.

Speaking of sex� well kinda. I don�t have much of a sex drive at this moment in time. I find it rather annoying because I masturbate when I get a little horny. And since I am only a little horny it becomes more of a hassle because it doesn�t feel all that great. I don�t know why I do it because it isn�t all that pleasurable. I guess I do it because I think I should and not because I feel like it.

I read other people�s diaries and they talk about feelings and what does on in their heads. Then I start thinking about my feelings and I realize I don�t have much at all. I don�t know why I don�t have many feelings. Usually my feelings consist of irritation, anger, boredom, and frustration. I don�t usually have feelings of happiness. I�m more of less usually �content.� While content isn�t bad I would like to have the elatedness of being happy. I think my medication hit the content level months ago so I don�t usually go much above content, but I seem as if I can fall below it with being annoyed and stuff.

I know I should exercise, but I don�t have any motivation. I rarely have motivation to do anything. Which explains my job I found, my level of studying, my progression in studying for the GRE, looking for grad schools, and everything else I should be doing but haven�t done. I get a day off and I spend it playing UO or just watching TV. I should spend the time studying for class or more importantly the GRE. If Argosy University doesn�t take me, then I will be fucked since I haven�t taken the GRE or really looked for any other schools. I know of a few schools in the same general area (being the northwest) but I haven�t gathered enough information to make them valid decisions for my future school career. I am beyond working at a gas station. It is a waste of my skills, it makes me feel like I have just wasted my mental abilities and my skills. It makes me feel as if I am worth only 6.75 and hour with free pop. My lack of motivation has left my writing in the dumps too. I use to write a lot, then I would get unmotivated and never finish what I started writing. I have a few stories started but not finished. I want to finish them and publish them. I want to go to grad school and become a doctor of psychology. I want to feel good I want my body to be solid.

I bought a few computer parts on Saturday from Newegg.com. I got an external drive kit so I can use my third 80 gig hard drive. I also got a hard drive rack mount with fans so my hard drive doesn�t get too hot anymore. I also got an 80mm fan. I�m going to replace the bottom fan with the new one and figure out how to mount the old fan somewhere else in the computer. I�m going to buy a new case next year when I move. The cases I want now are around $150 and I don�t want to spend that right now. If the new stuff I get fixes my heat problem I will not need a new case.

Well fuck I just say it is 11:15 and I need to shower before class and work. So I�m off

For the record� I am just content

Off the record� I hate being just content

For the record� I will get my drive kit later this week

Off the record� I will be able to move all my porn to that

For the record� I don�t need porn anymore

Off the record� My dick doesn�t feel like being stroked right now�