Why have I been depressed you ask? Well first of all I am pretty lonely. My being alone (other than Mike coming over) makes me sad. I don�t know why people don�t want to hang out with me. Eventually I am just going to give up on asking people since it seems useless for me to spend time trying to find time to hang out with people.

Second thing is that I am frustrated with school. I hate my comp class� I had to turn in an essay last week. I don�t know how I am going to do on it since there were no guidelines for how to structure it. I need to do well in this class. I also failed my test on Wednesday in History and Systems� well I think I failed it. I'm pretty sure I didn�t exceptionally bad on it. I have to write the take home essay this weekend� that shouldn�t be too hard. Then I have a test on Tuesday in organizational psych. I don�t think it will be too hard, but then again I don�t know shit about anything.

Third thing that makes me depressed� I don�t sleep all that well anymore. Well I never did, but it is now affecting me during the day more so. I sleep more often in class now, which is not what I want to do. I try to stay awake but it is no use. Class is useless since I sleep so I shouldn�t even go, but if I don�t go I can�t talk to people. I need to talk to people.

Forth thing that depresses me goes along with number one, but is kinda different. There are a few girls who I have crushes on. I don�t know if they know it or not, or if they like me back. One of the girls I see 3 times a week since she is in my class. I try to flirt with her and show that I'm somewhat interested and it seems as if she kinda gets the point and flirts back, but once her friend comes to class the flirting stops. And then her friend either talks to me or her, but the girl I might like doesn�t talk to me. It is kinda weird. But this ties into number one since I am lonely and don�t hang out with people. I don�t know if I should even try since I don�t have a large amount of time and will probably not be here in Colorado for much longer. I can�t say I'm just looking for sex, since I'm really not. I'm looking for companionship even if it is just for a short while. Sex is also somewhat important, but someone to hang out with and cuddle, watch movies, eat dinner and what not is what I want. I'm not looking to get married and have kids� yet.

Anyway�

Erin IMed me last week or something� She said she was concerned about my isolation which angered me. She doesn�t know really anything about what I do since she left and got back from Sweden. My isolation isn�t by choice� read last entry so see what happened on my birthday. Also read above about people not wanting to hang out. My isolation isn�t entirely my fault. Sara hasn�t called me again, and it annoys me because I want to know why she doesn�t want to hang out with me. I don�t care if she wants to or not, I just want to know why. I don�t talk to Kellie much since she doesn�t seem to want to hang out with me either. Dorothy is so concerned about her jew stuff, that she doesn�t have the time, and I find it irritating that all she talks about is being jewish. I stopped talking to Brandi. She doesn�t seem like that great of a person to begin with. I need to stop looking for a quick fix to having friends. But I need a quick fix�

So before I heard from Erin I was angry at her since I didn�t hear from her. I called her a bitch when I was talking to Ann. And Ann being the bitch blabber mouth that she is relayed that I called Erin a bitch. If I relayed all the bad stuff anyone has said about anyone then there would be a lot more pissed off people, but I keep comments from conversations to myself. Ann is now another person I wish to never talk.

I haven�t been working that much lately� well I had like 9 days off, but I worked yesterday, today and tomorrow. And it is the same schedule for next week too. It isn�t bad, except I wanted to go out tonight. Since I work tonight until 10:30 and have to work tomorrow morning I'm not too sure if I want to go out or not. It is a dance club, which I have never been to and don�t know how to dance. But I want to since Caroline is going. Mike is going to go too if I go. I guess it might be fun, but I'm just concerned about work tomorrow. I need to e-mail Caroline to see if they are still doing it tonight since the forums page isn�t loading.

Argh� I have to study more often and longer for the GRE� I take that in less than 25 days. I have to do well, I have to do well, I have to do well. Fuck fuck fuck.