Last night I went over to Suji�s house and watched Bad Santa with a few other people. It was quite a bit of fun. I really enjoyed it a lot. When I got home though I felt drained. I kinda wanted to just curl up and be by myself. Which is kinda what I did except I played UO for a few minutes and stuff. Hanging out with people is great, though it is new to me and causes me stress and emotional draining.

Speaking of emotional draining� Lets start with this� There is this girl who I talk to a bunch. I'm physically attracted to her half the time I see her, the other half I find nothing special. Mentally though it is about the same situation. I like talking to her, but sometimes I just want to say leave me alone because I don�t give a shit. I'm usually nice and don�t mention that last part. It angers me because her interest in me seems up and down. It seems when she is interested in me I'm kinda eh, about it, but when she�s not and then I start to feel interested in her� Maybe it is because I am looking for someone, but then again I'm not�

Another girl in my class I still have a crush on. I talk to her off and on, and have those little �name calling� playful sessions. If I put my head down I am usually looking in that direction because of how I lay my head. A few times she would lean forward into my view and wave and smile. That makes me feel good. The other day in class she gave me shit for not going to class, which was fun because I gave her shit for something that I don�t remember what it was about. I know she doesn�t have a boyfriend, but she seems like there is a guy who she hangs out with quite a bit. On Monday I'm going to talk to her about studying for the next test, or asking her to go to pizza on Thursday with a few other people. I just hope she doesn�t have to work.

Then lastly there are a few girls who I am attracted mentally to, those girls I do need to not have a relationship with since they can become something more than I want at the moment. I want to be shallow right now and have fun, not to conform to my standards and go out with someone who I will have a great mentally rewarding relationship� that�s not to say the girls I mentioned above are stupid, just they seem more likely to be able to have a short term relationship.

My time is running out to find someone to have a fun time with since I will be done with school in about two months, and during December I will be doing more than my fair share of school crap. I want to go on one of those �sex sites� to find someone to have a short term relationship, but I just can�t get past the fact, that those sites are skanky and I would more than likely find only girls who I would be repulsed by for their one sided relationship style (only sex). Sex is important as I have stated before, but I want a lot more than sex. Why is it that what I want I can�t have but half of what I want is something that is undesirable?

Well, I found out that my teacher who I work with is 33. I would like to say that I still do think she is cute. She looks and acts not like a 33 year old. In the stress management program I have had a few clients that I have go to talk to on my own. While there isn�t a whole lot to say or information to get it is fun and it is making more comfortable. I had an �intake� session with a walk-in person while my teacher was not there. That I think went really well. I told her about the program and stuff like I was supposed to and sent her to a few places that she would get further help from.

Shiloh says I can fuck her ass when she comes for my graduation. Told you I�d say it.

Well I'm druknk and I need to finish this so ican go to bed..