For the record... Red is my favorite color

Off the record... I don't want to be covered in red

For the record... Lamb is really good, but not as good as portishead

Off the record... David Bowie is moving in

For the record... Coal Chamber isn't very uplifting

Off the record... I just had a mood swing to make Coal Chamber uplifting

For the record... I have a test tomorrow.

Off the record... School can lick my ass

Now to the real stuff...

OK. Friday Night/Saturday morning... Lindsay told me not to tell Andrew how I felt, but I did anyway. I think he understands, and I know he doesn't want to hurt me. If it were anyone other than Andrew I wouldn't mind as much about the situation.

I feel like a jackass... I'm sorry Lindsay. I meant what I said and I'm scared now. I don't know... I don't know how many more times I can say that... I just don't understand and I wish you did.

I didn't sleep much at all Saturday morning... I got up and cried some more... I didn't know you can get dehydrated from crying. I didn't eat until about 2 or so. I cried all morning... I didn't leave my room until about 1, even though I got up at like 6 or 7. I'm sorry Erin, I'm sorry everyone for crying on you all.

Saturday afternoon I had to work. Interesting... Andrew was there when I got to work. We talked for a few minutes... I tried so hard not to cry. I was mostly successful. Later my manager Scott came by my area...

"I don't have a key for the back" i said...

"sucks to me you" he said...

"Excuse me?" I asked.

"nothing" he said.

"Sucks to be me?" I asked. "you have no idea!"

"What's wrong Chris? I know I act like a dick a lot. But I hope you know I really care." He said

"You care?" I asked.

"Of course, if you want to go talk we can go to the office." He said.

Holding back my tears... "No, I just want to be left alone. Here take this to computers for me." I said handing him some product.

And that was that... He left and I went on working as best I could...

After work I waited for Andrew to call. I then talked to Lindsay and planned to do something with her... Finally Andrew called and we decided to go to his house... I Picked up Lindsay and went to Andrew's house. Lets just say I got really really drunk. FUN BOBBY.

I yelled at Lynn at Andrew's house. Sorry Lindsay it wasn't meant for you to hear.

I got home Sunday hungover and I just sat around doing nothing. I was still sad. Sunday night I went to Lindsay's house because I wasn't feeling well enough to be alone in a house full of knives. I had a good time even though most of the stuff we talked about was painful.

Jessica hates me. She said she hates me. She blames me for something I didn't do. She hates me because I'm "Crazy." You know what FUCK HER. FUCK HER IN THE NOSE, THEN THE EAR!

That leads to today... Andrew came over like normal on Mondays. We hung out and ate a party pizza. It was nice to have a friend here. Mike came over a little after Andrew left. I told him my problems ... he never knew about Lynn... So ... it was weird telling him.