Jesus: I was bored one day and so I decided to do something good

Bitchmaster: Did you do any bitches that day?

Jesus: No, I never got to do any bitches

Bitchmaster: Why not?

Jesus: My old man, and I mean old, wouldn�t let me.

Bitchmaster: Who do you think is the better Bitchmaster? Me or your father.

Jesus: Well they don�t call you Super Bitchmaster Chris, Zo-nads the Great for nothing.

Bitchmaster: True ture. So what is your weapon of choice?

Jesus: Well, being the Son of God and stuff� I often use the lightning bolt or excessive rain, but I am partial to the chainsaw.

Bitchmaster: What would you do if you had two chainsaws?

Jesus: I would cut up all those damn terrorists and put their heads on my mantle.

Bitchmaster: Brutal. So how do you spend your free time?

Jesus: I spend it with a lot of women and a big screen TV.

Bitchmaster: Why the women.

Jesus: I may be dead, but I�m not dead if you get my drift.

Bitchmaster: I sure do.

Jesus: Well I ought to be going� I have a Ping-Pong doubles tournament with Robert Frost on cloud 9.

This is what I did on Easter� I talked to Jesus for a short while. It was all good. Jesus is a pretty good guy. The rest of the time I spent playing Lunar.

Monday I waited and waited at lunch for Ms. Lovely to show. But she didn�t. I waited for her after class and she still didn�t show. I�m going to lose faith in this sooner or later. Sooner if I had a night like I had last night.

So what if I drank last night. I haven�t seen so much shit for a long time. Everywhere I look it appeared as if it were raining. And Lynn kept going on and on and on about how playing Lunar on my game boy isn�t going to raise my Logic grade. I KNOW! I WILL DO MY HOMEWORK TODAY NOT LAST NIGHT WHILE I WAS RELAXING. I bet Jesus didn�t have a lot of bitches in his life� I have a few. So to try to do something else I made drinks. 1 cup rum, 2 cup daiquiri mix, hella ice. Makes for smooth sailing. It sure beats weed.

So I have no more jelly beans or skittles. Dove chocolate is like an orgasm of chocolatety goodness. I am going to go buy more sometime when it stops raining. Speaking of rain� I�m scared of thunder and lightning. I really am I am afraid that I am going to get hit and it will hurt really badly. If I do get hit I hope I die because I rather die than be burnt to a crisp. Unless I had a hot wife who would never leave me for any reason and if I could stay at home and write books. But anyway�

For the record� I still have a crush on that girl

Off the record� Jesus doesn�t get girls

For the record� Lunar is fun

Off the record� I should get good at Ping-Pong so I can be on Jesus� team.

For the record� I have to go do homework

Off the record� Homework is not an orgasm of chocolatety goodness.